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Part One Introduction............................................................... 7 Lesson 1: Negotiation Is All Around You.................................................7 A different approach: Learn by doing, not by reading................................................................. 7 What is a negotiation?........................................................................................................................ 8 Formal vs. “everyday” negotiations................................................................................................ 8 Examples of negotiations in everyday life:..................................................................................... 9 Competitive negotiation..................................................................................................................... 9 Cooperative negotiation..................................................................................................................... 10 A better way.......................................................................................................................................... 11 It’s an opportunity................................................................................................................................ 11 Thriving vs. surviving.......................................................................................................................... 12 Design a better life............................................................................................................................... 12 Dissatisfaction is opportunity............................................................................................................ 13 Most things are negotiable................................................................................................................ 13 How to use this book........................................................................................................................... 13 Methodology.......................................................................................................................................... 14 Book Exercise, Lesson........................................................................................................................ 15 Practice Game, Lesson........................................................................................................................ 18 Worksheet 1: Negotiations in My Life............................................................................................... 19 Worksheet 1: Negotiations in My Life............................................................................................... 19 Part Two Altering Your Mentality.......................................... 21 Lesson 2: Treat It Like A Game.................................................................. 21 What’s in a game?.............................................................................................................................. 22 A puzzle, not a contest..................................................................................................................... 23 A change of attitude.......................................................................................................................... 25 No One Has To Lose.......................................................................................................................... 26 Guerilla negotiating........................................................................................................................... 27 Not a zero-sum game......................................................................................................................................... 27 Concession misconception.............................................................................................................................. 28 Don’t be so serious (try to have fun).............................................................................................................. 29 Book Exercise, Lesson 2................................................................................................................................... 29 Practice Game, Lesson 2................................................................................................................................... 30 Lesson 3: Think BIG................................................................................................ 31 Aspiration vs. expectation................................................................................................................................ 31 The aspiration paradox...................................................................................................................................... 31 Case study: negotiating a salary...................................................................................................................... 33 Be confident......................................................................................................................................................... 35 Be justified........................................................................................................................................................... 35 And finally, be BOLD (hearing no doesn’t hurt)............................................................................................. 36 Your Internal Filter.............................................................................................................................................. 37 Much to gain, little to lose................................................................................................................................. 38 Hearing no doesn’t hurt..................................................................................................................................... 39 Book Exercise, Lesson 3................................................................................................................................... 39 Practice Game, Lesson 3................................................................................................................................... 39 Lesson 4: You’ve Got The Power........................................................................ 42 What is power?................................................................................................................................................... 42 Power is neutral.................................................................................................................................................. 43 Uncovering your power..................................................................................................................................... 43 Power is perception........................................................................................................................................... 44 Do they have the power?................................................................................................................................... 44 Sources of power............................................................................................................................................... 45 Book Exercise, Lesson 4................................................................................................................................... 50 Worksheet 2: Sources of Power...................................................................................................................... 50 Practice Game, Lesson 4................................................................................................................................... 51 Part Three Creating the Rules & Playing a Smarter Game...... 54 Lesson 5: Determine What You Really Want.................................................... 54 Interests vs. positions...................................................................................................................................... 55 Behind every position is an interest............................................................................................................... 55 What are your options?..................................................................................................................................... 56 Know all of the things you want...................................................................................................................... 57 Get it all on the table........................................................................................................................................... 57 When “simple” isn’t simple............................................................................................................................. 58 Flex-points—the fuel of a negotiation............................................................................................................. 59 Think in multiple dimensions.......................................................................................................................... 59 Solving problems with flex-points.................................................................................................................. 60 A family of flex-points........................................................................................................................................ 62 Keep looking........................................................................................................................................................ 62 It’s all about having options.............................................................................................................................. 63 Book Exercise, Lesson 5................................................................................................................................... 64 Worksheet 3: Flex-point Categories............................................................................................................... 64 Today’s Game, Lesson 5................................................................................................................................... 66 Lesson 6: Determine How Everyone’s Interests Relate................................ 67 They don’t (necessarily) want the same things as you.............................................................................. 67 They don’t (necessarily) know what they really want................................................................................ 68 Sometimes they won’t tell you what they really want................................................................................ 71 Put yourself in their shoes............................................................................................................................... 71 Know what you both want and how it relates............................................................................................... 71 The Three Types of Interests.......................................................................................................................... 72 Often we really want the same things........................................................................................................... 73 Sometimes we want different things that don’t conflict............................................................................ 75 Sometimes we want different things that appear to conflict.................................................................... 76 Interest in the future.......................................................................................................................................... 77 Book Exercise, Lesson 6................................................................................................................................... 78 Today’s Game, Lesson 6................................................................................................................................... 80 Lesson 7: Create Value.......................................................................................... 81 Build on what you know.................................................................................................................................... 83 Sometimes you shouldn’t share..................................................................................................................... 83 Creative mode..................................................................................................................................................... 84 “AND” instead of “EITHER / OR”........................................................................................................................ 84 Brainstorm for new possibilities and solutions.......................................................................................... 85 Where are you looking?.................................................................................................................................... 85 The perfect storm.............................................................................................................................................. 86 Brainstorming, Rules of the Game:................................................................................................................. 87 Book Exercise, Lesson 7................................................................................................................................... 89 Worksheet 4: Value............................................................................................................................................ 89 Today’s Game, Lesson 7................................................................................................................................... 91 Lesson 8: Divide Value Fairly............................................................................... 92 Standards of fairness........................................................................................................................................ 94 Don’t just dicker.................................................................................................................................................. 95 Evaluating assets................................................................................................................................................ 95 Fairness in action................................................................................................................................................ 96 Don’t compromise.............................................................................................................................................. 98 Prioritize and trade value.................................................................................................................................. 99 Know what really matters.............................................................................................................................. 100 Prioritizing Interests and Flex-Points........................................................................................................... 100 Everyday trading................................................................................................................................................ 100 Know what matters to them........................................................................................................................... 102 Book Exercise, Lesson 8................................................................................................................................. 103 Today’s Game, Lesson 8................................................................................................................................. 103 Lesson 9: Stand On Your FLOOR..................................................................... 104 Why have a FLOOR?.......................................................................................................................................... 105 Know your FLOOR............................................................................................................................................. 106 Comparing your FLOOR................................................................................................................................... 106 Strengthen your FLOOR................................................................................................................................... 107 Use your FLOOR................................................................................................................................................. 108 The DOs & DON’Ts of sharing your FLOOR................................................................................................... 109 What about their FLOOR?................................................................................................................................. 111 Today’s Exercise, Lesson 9............................................................................................................................ 112 Today’s Game, Lesson 9................................................................................................................................. 113 Part Four Working With Instead of Against the “Other Side” 114 Lesson 10: Invest in the Relationship and Build Trust................................ 114 They’re not attacking you................................................................................................................................ 114 Don’t attack them.............................................................................................................................................. 115 Play nice; make friends................................................................................................................................... 116 Build trust with credibility............................................................................................................................... 118 Being honest in not always enough.............................................................................................................. 118 Demonstrate that you are trustworthy........................................................................................................ 120 Exude honesty................................................................................................................................................... 122 Create and build relationship capital............................................................................................................ 124 Book Exercise, Lesson 10............................................................................................................................... 126 Today’s Game, Lesson 10............................................................................................................................... 126 Lesson 11: Get on Their Side............................................................................. 128 What gets in the way........................................................................................................................................ 130 Getting on their side........................................................................................................................................ 131 Involve them...................................................................................................................................................... 132 Tactics for cooperation.................................................................................................................................... 133 Book Exercise, Lesson 11............................................................................................................................... 134 Today’s Game, Lesson 11............................................................................................................................... 134 Lesson 12: Get Them Talking............................................................................. 135 Use powerful questions.................................................................................................................................. 137 The sounds of silence..................................................................................................................................... 138 Dos and don’t’s.................................................................................................................................................. 139 Use your ears.................................................................................................................................................... 139 Actively listen.................................................................................................................................................... 140 The lesson you never learn............................................................................................................................ 140 Actively listening tips....................................................................................................................................... 141 Book Exercise, Lesson 12............................................................................................................................... 143 Today’s Game, Lesson 12............................................................................................................................... 143 Part Five Managing the Negotiation........................................... 144 Lesson 13: Manage Information and Time...................................................... 144 The Information Sharing Test........................................................................................................................ 145 Types and sources of information................................................................................................................ 146 Maximum-information problems.................................................................................................................. 148 No surpises........................................................................................................................................................ 149 Being a victim of time....................................................................................................................................... 150 Deadlines—hard, soft, mutual, and self-imposed...................................................................................... 150 Your time has value (don’t forget it)............................................................................................................. 152 Time affects others (don’t underestimate it)............................................................................................. 152 When to use the gas and when to use the brake...................................................................................... 154 Today’s Exercise, Lesson 13.......................................................................................................................... 155 Today’s Game, Lesson 13............................................................................................................................... 155 Lesson 14: Fix the Deck—Setting up the Negotiation Properly................ 157 Get together on the future.............................................................................................................................. 158 Lay out the objectives...................................................................................................................................... 158 Who are the stakeholders?............................................................................................................................ 159 Set up the ground rules.................................................................................................................................. 160 Ask ‘we” questions and make “we” statements..................................................................................... 160 Prepare for success........................................................................................................................................ 161 Worksheet 5: Negotiation Preparation.......................................................................................................... 162 How to use the worksheet............................................................................................................................. 165 What’s on the agenda?.................................................................................................................................... 165 Today’s Exercise, Lesson 14.......................................................................................................................... 166 Today’s Game, Lesson 14............................................................................................................................... 166 Lesson 15: Close the Deal with the Future in Mind...................................... 167 Endings may lead to new beginnings........................................................................................................... 172 Closing the Deal................................................................................................................................................ 173 12-Step Checklist.............................................................................................................................................. 173 Wrap it up............................................................................................................................................................ 174 Once a student, always a student................................................................................................................. 182 Today’s Exercise, Lesson 15.......................................................................................................................... 183 Today’s Game, Lesson 15............................................................................................................................... 184 Appendices..................................................................................... 186 APPENDIX A: Recommended Reading........................................................... 186 APPENDIX B: Types of information................................................................. 187 |
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